Sunday, September 21, 2014

Why Don’t Matchmakers Serve More Female Clients?


Male clients vs Female clients….why men are preferred!

As a relationship coach and professional matchmaker, I believe the work I do brings enormous benefits to both men and women looking for love and long term relationships.  Both men and women seek me out to try and find that special someone to complete their lives.  And it is both an honor and a privilege for me to work with them in this process.  But unfortunately, from the matchmaking side of my business, I’ve had to turn away hundreds of women who I know would not be ideal to work for to match them with their ideal mates.

I think most of us as matchmakers love the idea of helping people, particularly women who we know are desperately seeking help in finding love.  Those are the people who you want to work for because the reward of knowing you helped them find someone is priceless.  And I know at that moment I’ve chosen the right occupation.  But then there are days when you have a client, most of the time it is a female, when you know she just isn’t a good fit for your business and you have to let her down at a time when she needs you the most.

So what are the real reasons why matchmakers don’t serve more female clients?  I get asked this question all the time so I wanted to give some insight.  Please see just a few of the reasons below in no specific order.  I’m sure other professional matchmakers can add or delete reasons to this list but these are my reasons for limiting the amount of women I serve as clients.

1.       Men are very traditional – From my experiences of working with men, they tend to be very traditional when it comes to dating.  They still like to hunt and chase women.  They still like to be the head of their household.  I don’t have a problem with this concept since my business is founded on traditional forms of dating and courtship but when I added the matchmaking component to my business for both men and women, I knew my business model had to change.  Since I work with men who still enjoy taking the lead in relationships, I knew I could only work with them as matchmaking clients but then continue to work with women as coaching clients.  I do still take women but on a very limited basis.

2.       Larger pool of women – Sorry, ladies…there are more of you than of the men we can find for you.  I really do wish this wasn’t the case but it’s true.  I get tons of applications from women wanting to be matched to the right guy to which I have to reject half of them for reasons I list here in this article.  I can easily find great women for my male clients just about everywhere.  Nevertheless, there are still some great guys out there for you but we as professional matchmakers have to be realistic about who we can match or we will be out of business!

3.       Women tend to seek perfection – Because women tend to have such high standards, I usually have to coach them to be more flexible in their requirements in a mate.  This is the reason I still take lots of women as coaching clients.  We want this perfect mate who is virtually non-existent.  Everyone has their faults and flaws because we’re only human.  I believe our parents and society tells us to reach for the stars but then don’t give us a realistic view on how high we should go to find him!  Once I can coach a woman to be more realistic in her choices then I may be able to work with matching her to the right mate. 

4.       Women (in general) can’t always afford matchmaker’s fees – I’ve found in my business that many women I encounter can’t always afford (or want) to pay the fees I charge for my services.  They love the idea of having someone partner with them on finding a mate but hate the idea of having to pay for it.  I don’t really blame them.  Again, I’m very traditional so I believe men should be the ones who pay for the service.  I always need women to match my male clients so I do accept women to list in my database as non-paying members to choose from for my male clients.

5.       Men who pay a matchmaker (in general) want women of a certain caliber – I work with everyone from successful male doctors and lawyers to average Joe’s and they all seem to want the same type of things in a woman.  They want her to be successful but not domineering, beautiful but not obnoxious, and caring but not overly nurturing (aka clingy!).  A woman with great posture, elegance and sophistication applies here too!  My clients may find some of these qualities with some women and other qualities with other women on their own.  But when they’re paying a hefty fee for a matchmaker – they want the total package – no exceptions!  These are qualities they can’t always find on their own either because they’re too busy or just simply hanging out in the wrong places.

In short, both men and women are looking to find love these days via online or offline dating services.  We as professional matchmakers have dedicated our lives to making their dreams come true.  And although I’ve limited the amount women I take on clients, I encourage all women to continuously work on themselves both internally and externally to attract the right mate.  There’s always a relationship seminar or workshop hosted by a relationship expert or author going on locally in your area where you can learn lots of information on how to have a great relationship.  Take advantage of every opportunity to update your looks, your demeanor and how you are perceived by men.  And who knows, maybe then you can become your own successful matchmaker!

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Recap of the Art of Femininity and Seduction Workshop - Sept 13th

Thanks to all of my friends, family, and sponsors for your support of our event.  We could not have done it without you!  The event was a huge success thanks to all of you!  We were able to raise funds for the Kidney Disease Foundation.  We had lots of positive feedback and are already planning to do it again next year!






Wednesday, August 27, 2014

What I’ve Learned in Pageantry That May Help You in Dating


Use what you got…to get what you want!

I hate to admit it but I love entertaining a crowd.  It’s so ironic because I’m actually a super shy girl!  My family still doesn’t know how I can be so soft spoken and timid in person yet so full of life on stage.  I often wonder this myself sometimes!  I think it’s because I love to entertain people and make them smile, even for one moment in time.  But this irony made me think a lot deeper about people’s gifts and talents and how we can use them to propel us in dating successfully.

Throughout the years, I have entertained people through pageantry, fitness and local community shows.  And the thing I’ve noticed is the variety of people that perform on stage and the tremendous gifts and talents they bring with them to the stage.  Every one of them is different in their presentations.  That’s what makes them special and people are drawn to their uniqueness.

The more the person brings their individual strengths to the stage no matter the eccentricity of it, the more that person shines in the eyes of the audience.  The more the person hides their talent or tries to be like someone else, the more their light is dimmed and someone else shines ahead of them.  Well, the same holds true for dating, the more we bring our gifts and talents to the relationship, the more our partners love us and the more we hide behind those gifts, the less attractive we become to our partners.

So why do we hide behind those gifts?  Well, that’s a great question with a one word answer-fear.  Fear sets in and tells us that people won’t like us if we express ourselves.  Fear tells us to be like other people.  The only problem is that when you become like other people, you lose the essence of who you were born to be in life.  You become just another face in the crowd.  We must learn to overcome that fear and let our light shine so that others can see it.

You see, I believe everyone has a gift and everyone is here on earth for a reason.  Some people have bright, bold personalities.  Others have quiet unassuming personality.  Some people have incredible outward beauty (although in the eyes of the beholder!) while others have a quiet, inner assurance.  But that’s what makes us all colorful people.  If the world were all full of one color or had one type of people, we would have a very boring world.  Your uniqueness makes you attractive to others because it is what you bring to the table.

The more we’re free to express our talents and abilities in dating, the more others will see those talents and reward us accordingly.  They appreciate the fact that we are who we are and not like other people.  When you decide to express your own individual self, you move to another level of maturity and wisdom of which others can only aspire to go in life.  You begin to control your own destiny and write your own rules.  You begin to live the life you were meant to live. 

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on Sept 13th in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com.

The Maryland Ms Exquisite Pageant held in Baltimore, MD

Thank you so much to all of my sponsors and supporters!  I was a bit nervous going into the competition but the director as well as my fellow sister queens made me feel right at home.  The event was held in Baltimore, MD at the Inner Harbor.  We had a great time and even got a chance to hang out with fellow Ravens fans since there was a Ravens-Redskins game.

I almost did not make an appearance at the show but thank God the director talked me back into it because it was an event I will never forget.  We took lots of pictures, did a tour of Baltimore in an elegant limo, and even got to be honored by a rock band!!  What a night!

So thank you all for supporting me.  I have a few pictures I have posted to this blog for those of you who did not get a chance to attend the event.  Oh and I almost forgot.  I won 2nd place in my division!


Cheers!

Sunday, August 10, 2014

What if divorce or break ups weren’t an option?


Giving up on your mate?…not so fast…read this!

We live in a microwavable society.  If there’s nothing we like on our favorite TV channel, we have the luxury of turning through 200 other channels.  If nothing is on TV, we can turn on the Internet and view our favorite social media sites.  And if we’re still not happy, there’s always the radio station and so on and so on.  Relationships are the exact same way.  If we meet someone we don’t like right away or marry someone who doesn’t make our “toes curl”, we usually throw the “fish” back in the water hoping for a better catch on another day.  And we wonder we we’re always so single.

We have become so accustomed to getting what we want when we want it until we’ve started to treat relationships the same way.  If someone says something to us we don’t like, we immediately end the interaction.  I see so many great relationships end because he or she misinterpreted the text message or said something hurtful on a phone call.  Or even because your partner left the top off the toothpaste!

Interestingly enough, I ran into an older gentleman who had been married for 30 years to his spouse.  I could tell he sincerely loved her because as he was talking about her he was blushing with joy.  I’m always curious about how people stay together in marriage so I asked him what he felt was the key to the longevity.  He said one word, “commitment”!  He further explained that people don’t stay together the way his generation and the previous generations did and that’s why there is a higher divorce rate in modern times.  “Divorce was not an option for us,” he said like the younger generations.

So that got me to thinking deeply about my own relationship and the relationships of my friends, family and clients.  Maybe he’s right.  Maybe we really don’t take the time to get to know our spouses and our mates long enough to have a long term relationship with them.  Every day can’t be sunny or else we would never learn and grow with each other.

Lord knows there are days where we feel like giving up on our spouses and mates.  The person says something hurtful to you, rejects you in some way or is inconsiderate of your feelings and we’re “out the door”.  What’s interesting is that the person may not have even known they hurt you.  All of a sudden that person is on the “chopping block” to you and the relationship is over before it even got started. 

I believe the key to having or beginning a great relationship is to begin to love people unconditionally.  Yes, there are times where the person is just not a good match for us and we must move on to find the happiness we deserve.  But there are so many other relationships that could be wonderful if we would only give it a little more time to develop. 

Below are just a few simple things to consider before you give up on that relationship:

1.       What is it that I want out of the relationship? – This is a time for you to be honest about what you really want out of the relationship that you are not getting.  This could be more quality time, more help around the house, a deeper relationship, etc.  Once you think about what you want in that relationship, then communicate it to your partner.  Many times, the person doesn’t even know what you want.  You break up over other things that had nothing to do with the actual issue at hand.

2.       Is there a possibility that I am not happy with myself rather my partner? – Before you blame any of the issues in your relationship on your partner, make sure the issue isn’t with yourself.  Even if you’re married, you still need a life!  There are times when we’re either not happy with who we have become in life or how our lives are going and we project that on our partners which isn’t very fair to them.  Take a deep, hard look at yourself before you throw away a perfectly good relationship.

3.       List the good and bad qualities with your mate and compare the two lists – Making a list of the good and bad qualities in your mate allows you to have an objective view of that person.  In other words, what are the things you like and the things you don’t like about your partner?  Then make a comparison between the two lists.  Are the likes more than the dislikes?  If your partner has more qualities that you like, focus on those qualities more so than the bad ones.  If there are more things you don’t like about your partner, is it possible to communicate those issues to your partner?  One tip is to identify a theme with those qualities you don’t like and communicate this to them in a manner they can handle (aka nicely!).

4.       What would you do if a break up wasn’t an option? – Divorce was not an option for the older generations so they had to stay together despite any storms they had in their relationships.  In the process, they had to dig deep in themselves and work through their own issues to be able to relate to their spouses properly.  Ask yourself is there something you can do to create harmony with your mate or spouse?  Usually, when we begin to change ourselves, our partners can only follow.  When we have worked on our own issues and am able to love our spouses unconditionally, miracles happen.

As I said, not all relationships are meant to last a long time.  But then there are others where if the couple had the right tools and resources at their disposal, the relationship could really be a success.  Even if you’re single and dating, you may be able to save time and effort with the idea of commitment in mind.  You won’t fall into the category of “serial dating” because you’ll have spent enough time with the person to ensure you have adequate information to make a good decision.  Nevertheless, if I can save one great relationship from the pitfalls of a break up, then I’ve done my job!  And hopefully, made a few babies and memories in the process!

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on Sept 13th in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Guys, Can We Bring Back Chivalry?


For opening doors, killing the creepy, crawly spiders, protecting us...we say thank you!

I can’t tell you how many seminars and workshops I attend where the topic of chivalry in dating comes up.  Usually, women complain there are no chivalrous men anymore and that chivalry is dead.  Men counter back and say if chivalry is dead, you killed it!  Back and forth we go as the battle of the sexes heats up!  No one wins the game of who is to blame and everybody suffers because of it.  Well, let me be the first to say they’re both right.  Chivalry has been dying a slow death and yes, women have a part to play in its passing. 

Now that I’ve got your attention, please allow me to explain my reasoning.  For years, men have been chivalrous towards women with just a hope or possibility of being able to spend time with the women they adore.  And women, for years have been accepting their chivalrous actions, sometimes without offering so much as a thank you for their kind gestures.  It’s no wonder men have started to revolt against women for taking them for granted.

For instance, I was listening to a sports radio DJ one day discussing how distraught he was with a woman who didn’t appreciate him for opening the door for her.  He was so disheartened that he started questioning himself for opening the door for her in the first place.  Most of the listeners called in to plead with him to continue to be chivalrous despite the attitude of this woman.  I really don’t think women realize the importance of such a gesture by a man because if they did they would appreciate them for doing so a lot more often.

As women, we must understand the importance of admiration and appreciation towards men.  It is like the butter and bread of their existence.  A man must feel needed and wanted to be able to continue to do the things that please women.  Women, on the other hand, must feel cherished and loved.  Men and women are simply different in the things we need from each other.  Once we respect those differences, we’ll learn how to respect each other.

You know, some of us as women have been hurt by men so much so that when we do meet a guy who offers a kind gesture, we don’t know what to do!  And others have become so bitter and hardened by life that we just simply forget that chivalrous men even exist.  But there are so many others of us out there that really do understand, admire and respect men who truly know how to treat a woman.      

So fellas, I know you’ve been hurt by women not appreciating you for the great things you do but please don’t give up on us.  We really do need you a LOT.  We love when you open the door for us, help us with our groceries, take out the garbage, lift heavy boxes, mow the lawn, shovel snow for us, kill the creepy crawly spiders, change the oil in our cars, listen to us go on and on and on about our inconsiderate bosses, and forgive us when we can’t tell the difference between a quarterback and a cornerback!

We admit that we forget about you sometimes but we promise to pay more attention to all the wonderful ways you treat us.  We admire your strength when we become weak ourselves and how you go out and fight in this cold world just to ensure your family has what it takes to survive.  You are our backbone and we wouldn’t exist (both literally and physically!) without you.  If we ever forget to say thank you, just know we didn’t mean it.  Just give us a little nudge and wake us up!

Thank You!

For more information on our services and upcoming workshops, please visit our website at www.liveloveaspire.com or contact us directly at info@liveloveaspire.com.

Coming soon!  Live Love Aspire Magazine!  If you would like to be included on our mailing list, please contact us at info@liveloveaspire.com.

 
 
 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Art of Femininity and Seduction Conference


We are hosting a workshop called “The Art of Femininity and Seduction” on September 13th at 10am – 2pm at the Wilde Lake Community Center in Columbia, MD and I’m excited to extend an invitation to the public to join us.  In this workshop we’ll be covering a variety of topics for women including how to enhance their femininity as women, attracting a quality mate or simply adding that “je nais se quoi” back into their relationship!  Whether single, married or engaged, we’ll take a break from our daily routines and explore our feminine wiles together.  There will also be fun activities, demonstrations and interesting discussions. 

Please check out our flyer below:

 

Tickets can be purchased using the link below:


 
Live Love Aspire