What to do when your mother is ready….and you’re not!
Back in 2013, I read in the local gossip blogs and magazines
that the former Secretary of State and soon to be the presidential hopeful Hillary
Clinton has been asking about her daughter Chelsea Clinton’s baby plans daily
to determine when she will be a grandmother.
Chelsea gave the usual daughter’s response (awwhh mom!) but did say she
would be making baby plans in 2014. Well,
yet again this year at the most recent Clinton Global Initiative University
conference, mother Hillary again put the pressure back on Chelsea (albeit very
lightly!) hinting that she would like to know what it’s like to be a
grandmother. Of course, Chelsea just seemed
to smile with the pressure as mommy dearest anxiously awaits her offspring.
But maybe you are not the daughter of a former President of
the United States or of the former Secretary of State but are the proud
daughter of a beautiful, strong, and intelligent mother whose primary mission in
life right now is to become a grandmother.
I think it’s really interesting to know that regardless of our worldly or
economic status, we as women all share the same pains of a mother who becomes
concerned about our baby making responsibilities as soon as the clock strikes
30! Well, Chelsea, welcome to our
world. We are the world of childless
women with parents who we love but annoy us daily about the next little “chubby
cheeks” in the family.
All of my friends with kids say they’ve been through it but
would never place this responsibility on their children. I beg to differ. I think that as a mother you want your
daughter to share the same joys and pains of raising children as you did
becoming a mother. There is a sense of
bonding between mother and daughter when the daughter grows up and has a kid of
her own that connects them in a way that they may have never experienced prior
to this event. That’s why I don’t blame
mothers for their behaviors because they do have good intentions and really do
have the family’s best interests at heart.
As daughters, we believe that we are living the dreams that
our mothers never got a chance to do in raising us. We want to set the foundation for a legacy in
our own family that will last throughout the generations. Shouldn’t that be enough for our mothers to
be proud of? Unfortunately, no! There’s something about seeing your daughter
having her own kids and doing well that makes you feel that you have done what
you’ve come in this life to do. It’s
like our final mission in life. That’s
why our parents (particularly our mothers!) cry at our graduations, proms,
weddings and the birth of our children.
It’s just that special to them.
So to all of us childless women who have to deal with mothers
who are anxiously awaiting their change of status, from mothers to grandmothers,
I have noted a few survival tips below.
1.
Give Your
Mother Respect – First and foremost, your mother deserves the ultimate
respect for laboring hours upon hours to bring you into this world. There is no amount of money you can pay her
for her love and nurturing when you were too feeble to make it on your
own. But with that being said, respect
goes both ways. As a grown woman capable
of bringing a baby of your own into this world, you deserve respect too. But if you want respect, you’ll have to show
her some respect. This requires a lot of
understanding on your part. Mothers
simply want to see their daughters happy.
They don’t mean to be overbearing but they do want their daughters to
pay attention to their biological clocks before it’s too late for them to have
children. Having this understanding will
allow you to have a better understanding of your mother and where she is coming
from to not allow this matter to get out of hand.
2.
Openly
Share Your Feelings – Secondly, you’ll need to be open with her about how
you feel about the pressure to have kids.
This is particularly true if you do not want to have any kids. Or maybe you simply have not found the right
person to have kids. Either way, she
needs to hear the truth, even if it isn’t what she wants to hear so she can
process that information. The more you
can be open and honest with her about having kids, the more she will develop an
understanding of you. This may actually reduce
the amount of pressure she puts on you or that you feel whenever this subject
comes up.
3.
Buy Your
Mother A Dog (Seriously!) – I figure if all else fails and mommy dearest
needs some little creature to care for, this may be the perfect solution. Dogs are loyal, cuddly and require constant
attention just like grandbabies! Having
a dog will give her plenty to do while she waits on your timeline to have kids. Who knows, by that time, she may be so tired
of taking care of a dog, she may forget about a grandchild!
Again, I would like to welcome Chelsea into our club and
hopefully we’ve provided her with a few tips during her stay here. It won’t be long until she has kids of her
own and perhaps Hillary has other worldly duties (like POTUS!) and will simply
just stop asking. One thing is for sure
and that is a mother’s nurturing and caring instinct for her offspring will
never change. They say mothers are the
souls of the earth and if you think about it, where would we be without them.
Food For Thought!
For more helpful dating tips,
please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com
or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com.
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